Practice Leaving It All (or just your phone) Behind
Over the past decade, there has been growing concern (and related research) regarding the impact of excessive technology use on the human brain. From decreased concentration, memory, and patience, to increased symptoms of depression, anxiety, and aggression, it’s becoming clear that our relationship with technology needs to change. While maladaptive technology use takes numerous forms, the smartphone is arguably the most common offender.
Most of us are keenly aware of the overall intrusiveness of these devices. We see it in our children, spouses, and college kids who narrowly avoid being run over by garbage trucks while crossing the street. Maybe we even suspect we use the devices too much ourselves, but what can we realistically do?
As a society we’ve become so conditioned to believe we have to have our phones with us at all times. “For emergencies/communication with family” was the primary reason for most. This was followed by “for work” then “for my friends” then “to keep up with people who are not really my friends” and ultimately “so I can see who that baby pygmy hippo bit today.” Unless we consciously push back against this narrative by forcing ourselves to experience that we can not only survive, but will ultimately be OK without our phone, this dependency isn’t likely to improve.
To reduce use there are many small steps one can take:
Turning of notifications
Deleting apps
Using utilization monitoring apps (pre-installed on most phones)
Not wearing related smart watches or jewelry
These can all be helpful gestures but I’ve personally found creating distance from the device itself to be the most beneficial.
When was the last time you purposely chose to not take your phone with you? I’m not referring to the time when 20 minutes after leaving the house you frantically pat yourself down and/or dig through your purse only to experience a mini existential crisis around the realization you’ll be experiencing “covered wagon days” communication for a few hours. I am referring to making the conscious decision that you, a capable human living in the 21st century, can experience the outside world without your smartphone, for at least a few hours.
Believe it or not there was a time in the mid 1990s when we did this without blinking an eye, in fact, most of us had no choice! To be fair, it often resulted in significant inconvenience (though not catastrophe). Sometimes it involved using landlines, waiting to hear answering machine messages when we returned home, and people not knowing exactly what was happening with everyone immediately.
The most common rebuke of this suggestion I hear is “What if it’s an emergency and I need it?!?” The second and third most common responses are “What if my boss emails me?” and “I can’t afford to lose my high score in Candy Crush!” Let me preface my response to #1 by clarifying I am not suggesting you attempt this exercise while traveling internationally, engaged in a cross-country road trip, or traversing unknown landscapes alone at night. In case it needs to be said, I’m also not advocating this if you or a loved one have a medical condition that could require immediate attention.
I invite you to utilize elements of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), exposure therapy to be precise. Essentially, you’ll prove to yourself that:
1. You can indeed survive without your phone and
2. With repeated attempts you’ll also prove to yourself it’s not nearly as distressing as you perceive the experience to be.
My advice is to start small:
Leave your phone in another room if you’ll be home for the day, while dropping the kids off at school, running to the corner store, or any other activity where you’re not completely isolated or likely to be away from others for an extended period of time.
Tell family and friends what you’re doing beforehand and solicit their support if possible.
Remember the previous times you survived accidentally leaving your phone behind. Parts of it were unpleasant and inconvenient I’m sure but what was actually the worst thing that happened? Regardless of how bad it was, did you recover from it in a reasonable timeframe?
Consider “What would I do if I wasn’t so worried about having my phone?” What would I notice? Where would I reinvest that time and energy?
While you’re engaged in this exercise pay attention to the feelings evoked and compare them to what is happening in the moment (e.g. worry about needing your phone in an emergency vs. everything being OK now).
Keep going. If you were able to accomplish this exercise for 15 minutes, try 25, 45 and so on. Make a point to do this at least once a week for a month or two and see what you notice.
Lastly, it’s important to remember, you’re not the only one who takes their phone with them 24/7. In case of an emergency the odds of someone around you having a phone are exceedingly high. Quite frankly, there may be people who are more than happy for the opportunity to show off their new iPhone or device that can fold into an origami swan while keeping track of their steps for the day.
If you or someone you care about have any unhealthy relationship with technology, please remember help is available. The number of therapists trained in technology and other behavioral addictions is growing to meet the ever-increasing demands of this challenge. I happen to be one of those individuals and look forward to hearing from you.
Interested in further information regarding how smartphones and technology impact our mental health? Look no further, the following links are a great place to start!
What excessive screen time does to the adult brain – Stanford Lifestyle Medicine
How Cellphones have changed our brains - BBC
Cell phone usage, how much is too much? - University of Rochester Medical School
Matthew Zimmer, LMSW (he/him)
Matthew helps clients to confront deeply ingrained thoughts and feelings, and tailors his therapeutic approach to significantly reduce the distress they are experiencing.
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