Tricky Talks With Teens: Tips For Parents On How To Get Started

Written By Anique Pegeron, MA, RYT

Adolescence is a time when it’s developmentally appropriate for kids to pull away from their parents to focus more on independence and connections with peers. This relational shift, combined with changing hormones, can make it difficult to approach even the easiest conversations with teens. 

We know well that it’s even harder to approach the important, but potentially difficult, conversations - topics that we all know we need to discuss with teens but may feel reluctant to, for a variety of reasons.

We’re here to help! Below we’ve compiled resources to help you navigate talks with teens on a range of potentially tricky topics, including:

  • Mental Health

  • Puberty

  • Academic Pressure

  • Grief

The good news is that you do not need to know everything to get started. Below you will find an introduction to each hard topic along with some resources to support you and your teenager. 

Remember, you are not alone in this and taking it one conversation at a time can make all the difference.

GETTING YOURSELF READY

We encourage caregivers to give some thought to how to support yourselves through these tricky topics. So much of how effective our communication is has to do with environmental and nonverbal factors. 

Here are some tips to set you up for a successful connection and conversation:

1) Support your own calm state

The more you seem calm and confident, the more your teen will read off of you that this is something okay to talk about. Will practicing ahead of time help you? Deep breathing? 

Approach the conversation with empathy and openness

Choose a relaxed setting where they feel comfortable. Be open to sharing your own feelings or experiences to normalize the discussion.

2) Choose a “good enough” time

Try to find a time that is uninterrupted - at home, in the car - but don’t worry about finding the perfect time. Be aware of selecting a time when emotions may be a bit lower (not right before a big event or when they seem preoccupied). 

3) Use some light humor

It’s okay to start by acknowledging the potentially sensitive or tricky nature of the conversation. Something like “this might feel a little awkward to us both, but let’s just dive in” can be authentic and helpful. If the topic calls for it (such as with puberty or academic pressure, probably less so for topics like grief and mental health), use smiles or light humor.

4) Read the room - when is enough, enough?

None of these topics have to be one perfect conversation. If discomfort is leading to a shut-down, it’s okay to back off. Simply name that to your teen, and express openness to talking about it again.


MENTAL HEALTH

This is a topic that many parents have questions about. If I am concerned about my adolescent’s mental health, how do I talk to them about it? What do I say? How do I say it? Where do I say it? Do I even say something?

To be honest, there is not a one-size-fits all approach. Every adolescent is unique, and their experiences and feelings vary widely. What works for one teen may not resonate with another. It is important to be adaptable and sensitive to their individual needs, preferences, and comfort levels. You will need to cater your approach to your individual child. 

One thing is for sure, it is important to take a page from Nike’s playbook and “just do it.” It can be tempting to overthink or hesitate, but initiating the conversation is a crucial first step.

Here are a few tips and tricks that might make it a bit easier:

- Describe what you’ve been noticing without labeling, such as: “I’ve been noticing you’ve been spending more time in your room after school.”

- Use open-ended questions to encourage them to express themselves, such as, “How have you been feeling lately?” Or “What did you think about (will in the blank with whatever recent situation popped that relates to mental health)?

  • Listen actively (nodding, eye contact)

  • Listen with curiosity (ask further questions rather than assuming)

- Validate their emotions without jumping to conclusions

  • You do not need to offer immediate solutions - sometimes it is helpful to just listen

  • Discuss self care and prevention

  • Reassure them that it is completely okay to seek help and that mental health is just as important as physical health

  • Be okay with multiple conversations….it may come up again 

Ultimately, the goal is to create an open dialogue that invites them to share their thoughts and feelings. Your willingness to engage, even if it feels awkward at first, can make a significant difference in opening the door to deeper conversations about their feelings and experiences.

Here are a couple of resources:


PUBERTY

Talking about puberty with tweens and teens can feel really awkward. We all know it's important, yet it's one that we - the grown-ups in the room - may feel uncomfortable about, underprepared for, or even avoid at almost all costs. It's a tough topic for the teens and tweens we love, too - often met with giggles, eye-rolls, or shutting down. I am glad to share some resources that can help you to be informed and to feel better-prepared to approach these conversations in a safe, informed, and non-judgmental way.

Here are a couple of resources I've appreciated as a teen therapist, and also as a parent myself. 

  • This is so Awkward: both the book and the podcast with Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett. 

  • Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting podcast with Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan

ACADEMIC PRESSURE

In early adolescence, the brain develops an increased capacity for self-awareness, self-consciousness, and social comparison. This can cause added stress on teen wellness in several areas, one of the strongest being academic achievement. Many teens struggle to feel “smart enough,” and compare their grades and test scores with their peers, creating academic pressure that can be deleterious to their well-being. It can cause or worsen anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues while instilling harmful patterns of self-criticism.

To help get your teen out of this rut, consider introducing them (and yourself) to self-compassion. It may seem counter-intuitive, but becoming more self-compassionate is linked to an increased ability to make improvements and meet goals, as well as decreases in stress, anxiety, and depression. As an added bonus, studies are showing that it increases teens’ resilience and openness to embracing new experiences.

Interested in learning more? Check out these resources:

GRIEF

Teens often struggle to understand emotions related to their loss as they are still developing emotional maturity. And with their hormonal ups and downs causing mood swings, grief can often intensify their emotions, while not having the tools to identify and navigate the losses they are experiencing.


To start, it’s important to remember that normalizing grief and even modeling it at home shows your teen that it’s okay to cry, be sad, even angry. They will feel an array of emotions and providing space for those emotions to be expressed is helpful. Also note that it’s normal and okay for your teen to talk about their grief with their peers. In this journey, you might find yourself supporting your teen in different ways over time as grief isn’t linear and their needs will shift.

Resources to Support Your Teen Who Is Grieving:

If you’d like additional guidance on how to support your teen in one of these four areas and more, please reach out to us. We have practitioners who work with teens and parents of teens.

Alison Roth-Kerner, LMSW (she/her

Alison’s therapeutic style balances acceptance of current challenges with building insights towards change-oriented shifts.

Anique Pegeron, MA, RYT (she/her)

With mindfulness as her foundation, Anique uses a holistic mind-body approach to help her clients attain emotional wellness.

Dayna J. LePlatte, MD (she/her)

Dr. LePlatte uses an empathetic, non-judgemental, holistic approach and always aims to build a connection with clients that is based on collaboration and compassion.

Kyunghee Kim, MA (she/her)

Former educator, author, and coach, Kyunghee’s work encompasses helping people gain insight into their strengths to guide them through challenges they face in their everyday lives.

 

This blog is one of the offerings of Grove Emotional Health Collaborative. We offer a range of mental health care services. Explore Our Providers or reach out to get started today.

Anique Pegeron, MA, RYT

With mindfulness as her foundation, Anique uses a holistic mind-body approach to help her clients attain emotional wellness.

https://www.groveemotionalhealth.com/all-providers/anique-pegeron-ma-ryt
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